I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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