Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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