what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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