He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
