I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
