I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
