It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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