well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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