I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
