Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There r osticjed everywhere
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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