Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
