cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
