They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize