I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
