I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
