I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
