Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want her autograph on my taint
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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