"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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