after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
