Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You left your phone here
Wait...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
