is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
