i jhust puked up my retainher.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
