3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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