$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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