omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
