She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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