Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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