I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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