Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
