you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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