Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
