PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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