I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
