Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
