Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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