Just fell off a train. Bad.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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