Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drake has all the answers
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize