I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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