If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
