I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
