College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
