Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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