Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
