Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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