I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
North Korea, Best Korea!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
