They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
as a side note pls kill me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
