I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize