I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
