p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
