She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
