not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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