I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
