Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
