just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
