Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You are the jesus of drinking
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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