I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
