They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
