Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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