I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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