so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
