so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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