Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
