We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
