k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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