Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize