it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
