i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize