he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
