Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
