Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
