So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you didnt know i had herpes?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
