you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need a beard to bite.
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