I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
