the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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