God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My nipple is on Facebook.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
