I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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