Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
