i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
why do cheetos always look like penises
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
