tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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