awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
