He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
