Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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