im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
