my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
