Whod you bang
I'm really into asian looking animals
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
