Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
