How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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