I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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