Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The Olympian is in my bed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize